#MFMI - 1

I was not in love with you.
I never intend to fall in love with you.
Perfection was present in the friendship you gave me. I thought care did flow in mine.
Sadly, it was just a myth.
There's an empty space. No one else could take your place.
I'm still reminded of those nicknames.
I still try to come up with one for you, thinking, that the day it happens, I will send you a message saying, "Finally I found it. We have something new to our friendship. It won't be boring I promise. But please fill that gap of a best friend in my life again."
I dream of you frequently. I do. They remind me of the ways you helped me cheer up. The ways in which you made me happy.
"Rise and Shine" texts in the middle of the night, so that it's the first thing I read when i wake up.

Memories are plenty. These are just on the top of my mind.

I know it'll never be the same again, but it leaves me agitated. It has taken away the vulnerability from inside of me. Or maybe not.
Maybe it's just a way to look at it that way. Maybe I'm still vulnerable. More than ever.
Maybe I just don't let anyone come anywhere near me. I don't share my thoughts with anyone anymore. Maybe I've just developed a fear, a phobia, of commitment. Commitment in any form. Friendship, love, etc.
No matter how huge the wound is; No matter how badly you broke me; I still miss you, and think of you often.