#MFMI - 2 Love.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

#messagesfrommyinbox

I'm going to post random stuff saved from my Inbox years back. I don't have any clue as to who wrote what. So if you recognize a post as your own, let me know. Credit will be given.

#MFMI - 1

I was not in love with you.
I never intend to fall in love with you.
Perfection was present in the friendship you gave me. I thought care did flow in mine.
Sadly, it was just a myth.
There's an empty space. No one else could take your place.
I'm still reminded of those nicknames.
I still try to come up with one for you, thinking, that the day it happens, I will send you a message saying, "Finally I found it. We have something new to our friendship. It won't be boring I promise. But please fill that gap of a best friend in my life again."
I dream of you frequently. I do. They remind me of the ways you helped me cheer up. The ways in which you made me happy.
"Rise and Shine" texts in the middle of the night, so that it's the first thing I read when i wake up.

Memories are plenty. These are just on the top of my mind.

I know it'll never be the same again, but it leaves me agitated. It has taken away the vulnerability from inside of me. Or maybe not.
Maybe it's just a way to look at it that way. Maybe I'm still vulnerable. More than ever.
Maybe I just don't let anyone come anywhere near me. I don't share my thoughts with anyone anymore. Maybe I've just developed a fear, a phobia, of commitment. Commitment in any form. Friendship, love, etc.
No matter how huge the wound is; No matter how badly you broke me; I still miss you, and think of you often. 

In places where no one knows what we've done.

In places no one knows what we've done.
Do you come,
Together ever with her?
And is she beautiful enough?
Enough to see your light?
And do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is she bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does she drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?
What about me?


Do you really feel alive without me?

You'll follow me back with the sun in your eyes!

Have been thinking of writing this since the day I made that hard decision. And didn't quite carry it out?
Am I sure I wanna do this?
You may ask what?
I have no answer to that anymore. Because I don't know if the decision was correct. I don't know If at all I made a decision. I don't know if i'm going to stick by it. 


Sometimes the people who have made you the happiest ever are the ones who put you down.
And for no reasons.
It really fucks your mind thinking why the things are the way they are Now.
You question everything. Everyone. Every thought. Every action.


Songs don't seem to help. Well some of them do. Some just soothe you for the time being. You just song binge so that you can block those thoughts out. 
But what about when you're on the bed? 
Trying to fall asleep.
Crying out loud. Clutching the bed sheet. What about then? When the crying is not helping? When the hollow loneliness of yours is gripping on you. Trying to suffocate you.


I know It’s okay to cry like your heart is breaking sometimes, ‘cause sometimes, you believe that it is.
And in the past week I have felt that way quite often. 


I've been a dreamer all along. Believing in happiness, happy endings, forever, and all of that. 
But trust me, When the dream shatters. When you realize you've been dreaming of all the wrong things. It breaks you. Losing a figment of your imagination hurts more than anyone will ever know.


I don't know where i'm going with this post but what I fail to understand, no matter what, Is : why does anyone take anyone for granted?
And why do people treat other people like shit?
I try not to feel anything.
But then again "Not feeling" doesn't really get you anywhere.



I miss this person who makes me happy. The most.
The sudden change in attitudes. The sudden silence. The sudden rudeness. Leaves me baffled.
And terrified.
Maybe our time has come and gone.
And today I heard a song where some lines really described the situation.
'I know you think I'm holding you down
And I've fallen by the wayside now
And I don't understand the same things as you
But I do.'
I've known you for so long now that i'm quite used to your ways. 
But its a different kind of drift. A different silence.
Your silence DOES speak louder than words. And your silence hurts too.




Negativity seems to come back with a new enthusiasm.
I see the colors of life fading away. And yet as i do so, i stand there waiting for them to return back to my life.

For now: 
I  will just fall back into the shadows. Waiting. Hoping. Wishing.

And I know one day. You'll follow me back with the sun in your eyes.

: )

And then, I'm gonna need these! ;)

I carry your heart with me!

I'm really fond of poetry!
I just love listening to or reading good poems and my friend Aastha usually reads them out to me because her course includes all that!
I just pick up random poem books and get into them at the library.
I just heard this poem in the movie 'In her shoes' and I really liked it.
As a child too, I've loved poems more than stories.
I've tried my hand at poetry but haven't written that great. 
So here's the poem I heard today. And I absolutely adore the feeling with which she reads it out to her sister on her wedding as a wedding gift! Amazing :)

I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go, my dear; And whatever is done by only me, Is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate, For you are my fate , my sweet. I want no world, For beautiful you are my world , my true. & Here is the deepest secret nobody knows.. Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life ; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide, Is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart. -Edward Estlin Cummings.